Coping With The Death Of A Friend

This wasn't a post I planned to make. It kind of snuck up on me. Like to today snuck up on me. I was looking through my throwback "on this day" statuses and photos on Facebook and this status came up from 2 years ago, 3 years and month or so after it all happened- "Sometimes, something happens that absolutely breaks your heart and you can never put it behind you. I remember how long Jordan and I spent working on our wedding books and watching Bride Wars. I remember when we camped in the backyard and when we went to Cheesecake Factory and added our waiter on Facebook. I remember watching The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror so many times and you in your sleeping bag pretending to be slug baby. We would drink and sing and have just so much fun together and with our friends. The last thing we ever said to each other is that we would be best friends forever. Still heartbroken and forever sad. Miss you forever, Jordan."


Jordan was (it still hurts to say was) the goofiest girl ever. She was always trying to get people to laugh and always ready to make fun of herself. We had dreams for our futures and plans for what we would do. I always imagined her being one of my bridesmaids when I got married and for our babies to be best friends, too. She studied abroad in London for a semester and developed a love affair for scones and clotted cream. She would have probably been both amused and envious that I'm marrying a Brit.

Anyway, they always say that you remember where you were when something horrible happens and it's true. I was on my way out the door to see the new Spider-man movie with Andrew Garfield when I got the phone call. I collapsed in my chair and refused to get up for the rest of the night. I didn't eat for days and felt like I was on the verge of tears for a week. I constantly worried (and sometimes still do) for the well-being of my friends and didn't want to have too much fun because "what if they're hurting and I'm just over here having a blast."

Losing someone isn't something that you just "get over" but there are some things that can be done to help ease the pain. I'll tell you, it's been 5 years now and it still hurts.

  1. Allow yourself to grieve- We all grieve differently and it's important to do what's best for yourself. I spent a lot of time looking at old pictures and videos of us together and watching our favorite movies.
  2. Don't completely stop everything- There is no way that the person you lost would want you to just waste away and upend your life. It's important to keep on moving on with your life because that is what they would want you to do. 
  3. Write them a letter- There are so many things you may have wanted to say when a friend was taken suddenly. Even if you have had time to prepare, there still may be things to say. Writing a letter is a good way to get those feelings out and possibly even get some closure. 
  4. Lean on friends and family- Those closest to you are here for the good moments but also for the bad ones, as well. Do not go through these times alone because the hard times are what helps to grow relationships and it allows for some comfort during a painful time. 
  5. Celebrate their life- Whether it's going to their funeral or reminiscing about old times, remember all of the good that they brought into your life and other's lives

If the pain ever becomes overwhelming and possibly too much to handle, call 1-800-273-8255 (if you are in the US) and someone is always available 24/7 to talk. 

Images from Death to Stock Photos

Comments

  1. Sorry for your loss, I'm dealing with my fathers death and these tips help a lot 💛

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  2. I am sorry for the loss of your friend. My husband has lost many friends and I know that the pain never goes away. Like I tell him, live each day as one they would be proud of you for.

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss. After the loss of my father, I found that when the sadness comes, it helps to remember the absolute best memories you have of the two of you together. It has definitely helped me through some very tough times.

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  4. Sorry for your loss!! In the same way I had to deal with my grandfather and grandmother death at the same time.

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